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All of a sudden I was being spun around hard to my left.

As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away from me with my purse.

The ol' man slowly gets up and makes his way back to his seat next to his wife on the swing. "And," continued Rufus, "I sawed a sign that said "Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches." He ain't never looked that big from the other side of the river!

He sits there for a few minutes and then asks, "What was that for Ma? "There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

" An elderly couple were enjoying the evening by swinging on the front porch and looking at the beautiful sunset.

After a few minutes the ol' lady reaches over and knocks the hell out of the ol' man who goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.

He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then? Every day for 25 years you've been threatenin' to whup Clarences ass. go git em." Rufus thought for a moment, chewed his bottom lip for another moment. " he declared, snapping his suspenders into place, "I'm gonna cross that thar bridge and I'm gonna whup Clarence's ass!!! She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened. Man I tell you, she is one fine looking piece of ass! His buddies are confused, because he is one bad ass biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

" When asked by the arraignment judge, "Why did you shoot the man 6 times?

He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, a dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum... "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? " His wise old father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I saw your ad in the yellow pages and understand you give a great massage.

" The Ant says "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!

" Mary, a blonde city girl, marries an older New Zealand dairy farmer.


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