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It’s especially difficult as a feminist – admitting you’re doing it because you want to benefit from the patriarchal bargain of being more of what men want to look at – because during 22.5 hours of the day, you’re fighting the patriarchy…but there’s an hour and a half of the day you’re working hard to increase your ability to benefit from it.I’m just sayin’…holding up society’s standards start to matter more, the higher up you get. Do I think the blogger is right to make this decision?I don’t think it’s my place to determine right and wrong for someone else…They don’t want a partner who complains about how much time they spend “up in the gym, just workin’ on their fitness.” You and I might know that now, but I certainly didn’t know it before. People often misjudge me as one of those people who loses weight and now “hates” fat people to the point where I would high-five them for telling me these things.You also start to notice the pairs on the subway, late on a “date night,” out together. Big girls have to live, date and eventually love in this environment.And starting talking to another one of my homegirls!

I’m sad to say, there isn’t enough of that out here.

And, apparently, many of my readers hang out over there, as well, because like four of y’all sent this to me apparently within hours of it coming out. I can’t keep up with everything, especially now with all the studying for my certification.) Now…on to the business. Some (admittedly anecdotal) examples: Several months ago I was in a bar/lounge type spot, with a group of 7 or 8 homegirls.

The following excerpt appeared on the CFC’s blog: Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me.

In both the Huff Po comments big girls because the people who love you [and, assumedly, want to see you happy] aren’t going to say any foolishness like that to you. ” In fact, when you’re in a position like mine, you start to notice a wind up making friends with guys who admit their dating preferences freely, knowing that – since you’re no longer fat – they won’t offend you.

I’ve had men admit to me that they get chewed out for dating so many non-Black women, but they don’t seek out women who are simply non-Black – they seek out women who are non-work time, and want a partner that not only understands that but will be right there with him…working out. You also start to hear stories of how some men only “use” overweight Black girls as a “last resort,” meaning that if a guy can’t pull a more socially-approved-as-sexy-looking-woman, he’ll go to her because at least he knows “I’ll get laid tonight, and breakfast tomorrow.” You start to find out how some men manipulate society’s fat-hating culture into a way to skate by without accepting any responsibility for anything: “if fat Black women are considered the least worthy of love and affection, then if I choose one, she’ll do anything and tolerate anything to keep me.” How do I hear all of this?


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