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But the Steps are especially useful if you dating a PIR, because the skills you learn from the Steps may be helpful in your relationship.

When PIRs do a personal inventory, they list the things--their thoughts, feelings, character traits, and behaviors--that stand in the way of recovery and those personal strengths that can help in recovery.And I certainly didn't know that, as someone in a relationship with a PIR, it would have been good for me to do these Steps as well.Now I've discovered that these "relationship" Steps are a balanced, healthy way even for non-PIRs to examine their own selves and their relationships with others.They work on taking responsibility for the harm they have caused others, and acknowledge the harm that others have caused them.Ultimately, these Steps are about asking for forgiveness and forgiving others.When partners of recovering addicts have no personal addiction or recovery experience, it can be helpful for them to know what their loved one has been through and how their loved one developed healthy relationship skills.Author Karen Nagy outlines Steps Four through Ten: the "Relationship Steps." Mending relationships that were broken due to addiction is an ongoing task in recovery.You may meet your PIR while they are in the midst of working Steps Four through Ten and be curious about what this "amends making" is all about.I was so unfamiliar with the Twelve Steps that I didn't know enough to ask Steve about them or if he had done them.It is obviously very important, therefore, for PIRs to identify and release their resentments in a constructive way.My friend Paul told me about helping PIRs make "resentment lists." He said at first they'll say "heck no, I don't have any resentments," until they actually start listing the people and things that make them angry.

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