I want you to be encouraged and stand strong in your decision to date while celibate.You wanna know what’s SIZZLING hot in the streets nowadays? I must know about 13 or 14 women who have decided to put their vagina’s on the bench like Jamaal Magloire and make sure it sees NO damn playing time – And as weird as it may seem for a man to be saying this,.I mean let’s be honest, most women who make the decision to put their p*ssy in the corner on a TIME OUT probably used and abused it in some reckless way that taking a break is the best thing for her uterus’ health.I was talking with a woman I know who is currently going through her 14 month of celibacy and although I have the utmost respect for her penis-less journey, she said something that just didn’t sit right with me: She said she was having NO trouble remaining celibate – .If they decide they can’t handle not having sex until marriage, let them go!Be confident that you will find the right person who will happily respect you.For months, I’d looked into the face of any man I’d come across, playing a strange game of “Are You My Mother?” except replace “mother” with “soulmate.” After six months of celibacy, there were itches that needed scratching and an ego that needed boosting, so I decided to rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and throw myself into the world of dating.
I can’t tell you about the exact moment when my heart broke.Sometimes, when the kids were at their dad’s, I would be engulfed by a loneliness so deep that nothing could fill it.No matter how good I eventually became at enjoying my own company, I couldn’t shake this longing to be in a relationship with someone who might think I was as awesome as I’d learned to see myself.You also may have some questions about how to talk about sex with the person you’re dating. Also, you’ll want to clearly state your requirements. It’s important to make this distinction because you don’t want to associate sex with shame or guilt in your mind or the mind of your potential partner.I want to help you stick with your decision and find a person who is willing to walk this journey with you by giving you 3 tips for having the conversation about celibacy with the person you’re dating. If you’re abstaining until marriage, make sure that you share this, otherwise the other person may have an expectation that they can change your mind! You also don’t want the other person to feel like you’re punishing them because of your decision to abstain.But the reason that comment didn’t sit well with me is because as much as we demonize being in touch with our sexuality, our sexuality IS an extremely important part of our intrinsic make-up and while it’s OK to control it, to have celibacy be “easy” makes me worry about the possible dehumanizing effect of imposed sexlessness.Most of the women I know who are celibate are doing so begrudgingly and I really like that, because it shows there is still a well-rounded aspect to her humanness.It’s been over a year since my kids’ dad moved out and I found myself sleeping alone for the first time in nearly two decades.At first, the sad feelings came often, numbed by binging into the wee hours of the morning, chased with pots of coffee.A million tiny, undetectable injuries that culminate in the thing going flat and an inability to move forward.We were stuck, like so many couples in midlife, having spent all our energy on raising small kids, climbing career ladders and trying to fit square pegs into round holes. Deciding to separate was, in a way, one final act of love to save what was left of something once beautiful.