Thus, if you have preconceived notions about gorgeous people, rich people, short people, gay people, Irish people, etc – those notions probably came from SOMEWHERE. Jewish people like playing Twister on the lawn is a fabrication. So there’s the stereotype of the forty-something bachelor – and it’s a valid one. (Hey, all of us want to think that about ourselves – let’s just say for argument’s sake that it’s true!Jewish people are often highly educated and highly neurotic is not. )So now you’re faced with this very real dilemma – is this man a victim of circumstance, or is he the common denominator in all of his relationship failures?That may explain why of those age 45 or older, a third of men remarry and just a quarter of women do.But even the women who would happily marry again have a harder time; while having kids makes remarriage challenging for men and women, it’s worse for women.Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches.Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own.And I think it would be very easy, and coldly logical, to say BOTH.
That said, the part of your question which really intrigues me is the “red flag” question: Is there something wrong with a man in his 40’s that has never been married? The unhealthy part of stereotyping is not necessarily the stereotype itself, but the assumption that ALL people in the category fit the stereotype. What if – god forbid – he made a bunch of bad dating decisions and just hasn’t met “the one”?
But some men, obviously, are OK with blending families or even starting new families, which is surprising considering how many men complain — rightfully so — about paying alimony (often for life) and child support, often for children they can barely see. columnist Lucy Cavendish wonders if men aren’t incurable romantics.
So why are so many men eager to get hitched again — especially when second marriages have a 67 percent chance of divorce? Otherwise, she says, how can you explain why a man who has been badly burned in a divorce — think Paul Mc Cartney, who married wife No.
For women, typically the caregivers and the one in charge of emotional caretaking as well, it makes sense that many women are often a lot happier after divorce; all that care-taking takes its toll, emotionally and physically.
Since more middle-aged women seek divorce then men, why would they be eager to get back into the same situation?